I Made A Mistake, Part One

Have you ever made a decision when you were young that you came to fully regret as an adult?

Maybe you got some embarrassing tattoo that you can’t afford to cover up. Maybe you accidentally uploaded a horrifying video of you streaking down the street, and now realize your boss will see it. Or maybe, like me, you made a promise that if at 46, you and a certain friend were not married, that you would tie the knot so that you didn’t have to live alone.

I made that bet when I was 16 to a girl name Tabitha. At the time, it was one of the best decisions I thought I could have made. She was pretty. She was good in school. She was a safe and smart choice for a backup wife.

I’m 45. Tabitha messaged me today, reminding me of this arrangement. I decided to stalk her Facebook profile. What I found made me sick.

She’s a crazy cat lady. And not the nice, 90-year-old that takes care of hundreds of cats. Oh, no. She is super crazy. She collects the dead bodies of her cats and has them stuffed and mounted on her walls.

How do I get out of this?

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Be sure to read Part Two!