Chocolate coma, it’s a thing. Not like a thing kids talk about when they are a whole one pound, milk chocolate Easter bunny; it is an actual medical condition.
The first time I read it on a patient’s chart, I smirked. Thought someone had messed up or was trying to pay a prank on me. When your family owns the largest chocolate factory in the country, you get a kinds of weird jokes made towards you. And this wouldn’t have been the weirdest. Chocolate coma, it was amusing. Then I actually looked at the patient.
He was brown. Not East Indian, he was milk chocolate brown.
I looked at his chart again. There was no way this was right. Race: White/Caucasian. I looked the patient again. How did he get to this state? How did a white guy turn his skin colour to white chocolate brown, and go into a coma? I looked at the doctor’s notes.
“Patient came to ER, complained of violent stomach pain, skin discolouration, slipping in and out of coma like sleep. Patient’s spouse claimed he consumed 147 lbs of chocolate via IV needle.”
I looked up at the man. What would possess him to do this? I shook my head in disbelief. Then he woke up screaming.