Some people collect coins. Other collect rocks or postage stamps. My father-in-law collects the dead spark plugs out of antique cars. But I collect something really different. Something that me bugged by the CIA, arrested, sent to Guantanamo Bay, had my citizenship revoked, and then raised to the heights of the medical community.

I collect human brains. And no, I’m not any kind of scientist.

Remember the cartoon show, Futurama? Well, they joked around with the idea that all famous people would live forever as heads in jars. A specially formulated cocktail of chemicals and mad science would keep them alive forever to be seen for millennia. So, same idea, but I do it with just the brains of deceased people, not the whole head.

It started in grade 5, during a field trip to the newly erected John F. Kennedy Middle School of Technology in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I wasn’t from Minneapolis, but our school was going to start bussing us all the way here to this super high-tech facility.

We were shown the state of the art classrooms, the double-sized gymnasium, and the science labs. That’s when I saw it. We passed by a biology class, right as the biology teacher was holding up a human brain, pointing out the different parts.

It was right then that I knew I wanted to have one just for me.