Chocolate Coma

Chocolate coma, it’s a thing. Not like a thing kids talk about when they are a whole one pound, milk chocolate Easter bunny; it is an actual medical condition. Continue reading “Chocolate Coma”


An Open Letter To The Day – Part Two


(This open letter is a follow up to last year’s. Make sure you read that one first, right HERE.)

Dear Everyone,

I thought that I made myself perfectly clear last year as to my feelings regarding this day. Obviously, my words were murky and muddied, so allow me to refine my thoughts in this my second open letter to the day.

The contempt that I feel for this day is so great, I pray to the gods of my ancestors and enemies that they would so their mighty power and removed from the face of the Earth this day, the 17th of March. I pray that each and every day, even though I subscribe to no faith, I can only hope that there is someone with cosmic strength

It doesn’t matter what I do, how much I avoid the presence of the day, I always find myself in a bar. Sometimes I’m picked up and carried there, other times I have been drugged or fooled into drunkenness. And when this has happened the same thing occurs; I become the joke. I become the entertainment.

‘Look at the little man dance.’ ‘Ask him where the end of the rainbow is.’ ‘Where is his pipe?’ Or my personal favourite (not!) ‘Where are your Lucky Charms?’

Dear reader, do me and those like me a huge favour: leave us alone on this day. Do not seek us out. Do not come knocking on my door with your green beer, or Irish accents, or your clovers. We have been overwhelmed by this holiday for so many centuries that we just want to be left alone.

A pox on you Patrick! On you and your silly saintly holiday, and all those that participate in it!

With so much spite in my heart,

Red the Leprechaun

Friday, the 13th

Friday the 13th.

For you, it’s a day on the calendar. It happens when the month starts on a Sunday. In this year, 2017, it will happen twice. But that is what Friday the 13th means for you. And I am not you.

I am the last living descendant of a long line of noble leaders in a small country island in the Atlantic. I am Friday, the 13th.
Continue reading “Friday, the 13th”

An Attitude Adjustment


“It’s a New Year! Who’s life can I royally screw up this time?”

For a demon, Filmore Horrigard was as average as they came. Nothing special. He didn’t have monstrous wings, or diabolical horns, or a very sinister voice. His brothers and sisters were special in those kinds of ways, but not Filmore. Continue reading “An Attitude Adjustment”

Christmas Revelation

If I never have to stand in another mall Santa Claus photo-op line again, I will die a happy mother, with a miserable daughter, I’m sure.

I don’t understand the joy and desire to do this. He’s a strange man, sitting on a fake throne, promising kids things that he could never deliver on. His beard is fake. His clothes are a rental. His glasses are decorative. He is, in every way, a fraud.

Now, how do I convince my 14 year old of that? Continue reading “Christmas Revelation”

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

It was a cold winter evening in December, 1943. With the war behind them, Ralph Blane and Hugh Martin sat together in an abandoned studio. Hugh, as was his custom, sat at the piano, fumbling through chord progressions, and filling the cold spaces with hints of melody. Ralph scribbled on a note pad, tilted his head, frowned, and then tore up the sheet before throwing it to the ground. The space around his chair was littered with such bunches of paper.

“This is ridiculous,” Ralph complained. “The night before Christmas, and we have a deadline. Write a new song by tomorrow!” Continue reading “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”

Earth Day, Part Two

(Read Part One here.)

I’ve been living on this god-forsaken rock for my entire life. Same as my mom. Dad, no idea. He left long ago. Mom says that he was needed for some science expedition.

Just another lie she tells me to keep me sane, or under control, or something. I don’t fully understand what her method of child rearing is. Most of the time it’s just a lot of yelling and screaming, followed by a few corn beer bottles hurdled my direction. Continue reading “Earth Day, Part Two”

Remembering The Day

This is the busiest day of the year. I’m usually up before the dawn, making sure that the grounds are clean. Not that they are ever messy, but as a sign of respect, I push myself to be more dutiful than normal. Especially on this day.

People will flock in by the thousands today, looking for relatives, friends, lovers. The tears will water the green grass and the few red poppies. I’ll be there, in the background, collecting garbage, putting tissues in the hands of those that need them. Silent as the ghosts of those that have passed. Continue reading “Remembering The Day”

A Look Into My Soul

They say that the eyes are the window to the soul.

What happens when you can’t look into your own eyes? What does that say about your soul?

You might say, look in a mirror. I would, but I’m a vampire. Continue reading “A Look Into My Soul”

A Space Ghost

“Houston, this Lt. White signing off.”

“Alright, White. Signing off. See you in 5.”

I pushed myself away from the computer screen and towards my bunk. I really needed some shut eye. It had been a long day. A space walk. A near power outage. And then a 3 hour debriefing with NASA. I know they are worried about us and what is happening with this new space station. But, blah, I need sleep. Continue reading “A Space Ghost”